1.
Mallory stared at her computer with a Google doc open on the screen. No words could come to her mind. She didn't know what to write. She watched as the thin, black typing line blinked on and off, on, off...
She hadn't typed a single word. Her creativity well had gone completely dry.
Last week she wrote a short story. It had taken her several hours of hard work to get it just right, then she proudly put it up on her blog for all of her friends to see. Mallory was quite a daydreamer, and oftentimes after a personal accomplishment she would imagine several people congratulating her and telling her she's one heck of a writer. She had friends to support her, and they would be the start for getting word out about her stories!
...Mallory's friends didn't read it. She'd ask them,
"So, whadjya think of it?"
They'd nod politely in an obviously-I'm-bluffing manner and say, "Yeah! It was -" pause, " - good..." followed by an awkward silence or an immediate change of subject. That, to Mallory, was far worse than them not reading it at all.
_______________________________________________________________
2.Mallory groaned, closed the vacant window and decided to check her Facebook.
Typety, typety.... username..... Typety, typety.... password... Enter.
Ah! A notification!
Mallory's excitement died when it was only some person she didn't know inviting her to an unknown group event. She closed Facebook. Mallory didn't get it; she posted brilliant statuses, famous quotes, and viral videos but never get any "likes" or comments. She even tried to make her profile pic look sexy but apparently that did nothing. Somehow though, Mallory was not surprised.
Ever since she started high school her popularity went down the drain. Well, she never was popular, she just had a lot of really close friends and got along well with everybody. Now she feels invisible. Her "friends" apparently have better things to do like go talk with the blonds or the jocks.
Mallory got up and went to the mirror. She adjusted her glasses and frowned.
"This story feels so typical," she said to herself, "I've heard it many times before. What can I possibly do to change it?"
She was referring to herself as she picked at her teeth, hair and clothes.
_______________________________________________________________
3.
Mallory had written up a new fan-fiction about the latest hero movie that sold for about a zillion dollars. She actually hadn't seen it (unlike everyone else), but she looked up the basic plot line and characters and understood generally what it was all about.
Once again she hit up Facebook and her blog. Typety, typety... Enter.
Story posted.
After she finished watching a couple of hours of Cartoon Network and MTV downstairs she went back up to her room, checked her computer and, same as before, zilch.
"ARGGH!" Mallory screamed, "What is wrong with me?!?!?!?"
She plopped onto her bed and buried her head in her pillow. Soon the pillowcase was soaked.
"Tears are so typical..." she whimpered, "This is so lame... There is nothing to cry about... I am better than that... Why can't they just see that?"
_______________________________________________________________
4.
A couple of years ago Mallory's mom gave her a diary that came with a gel pen. The cover was pink and had obnoxiously orange flowers peppered all over it.
"This is for you," her mom said, "You're going through a lot of changes now and you will be for the next few years. I think it'd be good for you to write down your feelings and experiences here."
"Thanks," Mallory said hesitantly.
Mallory hadn't actually used it until she started making internet stories a few months ago. She didn't like to document what had happened in the day, because her life was simply too boring and repetitive, and frankly she wasn't into history to begin with. She instead would write poems on her better days, create short stories on neutral days, and scribble violently across a page on bad days.
Today Mallory was sick of the annoyingly bright diary cover.
"I've gotta trash this," she said.
Mallory wasn't much of an artist (but she could draw a nice stick-figure), so she glued cut-outs from her magazines to illustrate the front. Next she put a picture of herself on top.
"Something's missing..."
She reached for the Sharpie and added a mustache, top hat, buck teeth, and a speech bubble on the photo.
"Much better," she said, "this isn't my diary, it's my story."
_______________________________________________________________
5.
"Cloudy with a fifty percent chance of showers and thunderstorms," a weather guy said on the radio, "so as you plan for your day please be cautious and aware of that..."
"Honey, what's the matter?" Mallory's mom asked as she slowed down for a red light.
Mallory grunted, "Nothing, Mom."
"Your arms are crossed and you're not looking at me."
"I said, nothing, Mom."
"You've been like this for the past few days. Is everything OK in school?"
"I'm FINE, Mom."
Silence, except for the radio:"High of 50 today, low of 35..."
Her mom proceeded through the green light.
"I'm here if you want to talk about whatever whenever, alright, sweetie?"
Mallory sighed. "OK, Mom." Then she thought to herself: "I wish I could tell you everything, but I don't even know what's wrong with me."
_______________________________________________________________
6.
After school, Mallory waited outside on a bench for her mom to pick her up. It was quite chilly, so she wrapped her big coat around her tightly. Suddenly, the wind picked up and blew her homework loose! She chased after it until she collected each and every page.
Returning to sit back down, another person was sitting on the bench, picking up her story book.
The stranger asked: "May I?"
Most people would probably snatch their personal belongings away from the snoopy weirdo while shouting, "GIVE THAT BACK!" or, "That's private you idiot! Have you no respect for other people's privacy?" or perhaps, "STOP! THEIF! Help, police!!" For some reason, Mallory didn't seem to care.
"Go ahead," she replied, "but you're not going to like it."
The girl scanned the first few pages which had Mallory's internet stories glued on top.
"This sucks," said the girl.
Mallory blinked at her.
"This sucks big time."
Mallory looked at her shoes. "Yeah... I know...."
"Have you ever been taught how to write? This is pretty bad..."
Mallory began to defend herself, "Of course I've been taught how to write! What do you think I do at school?"
The girl giggled at that. Mallory had to also. Their school wasn't the best in the world...
_______________________________________________________________
7.
"What's your name?" Mallory finally asked.
"My name is Naomi."
Mallory smirked. "Sure beats the name, Mallory."
Naomi was a naturally beautiful Asian girl who appeared to be a senior. Mallory hadn't really noticed her before, even though she had seen her in the halls of school often.
"Hmmm...." Naomi said, turning a page. "Actually, this part isn't so bad."
Mallory looked up and saw that the girl was looking at... the scribbled up pages? On the next page, Naomi read some poems.
"Wow! This is actually very good." The girl finished the book and closed it. "Would've been a great story if it weren't for the beginning part."
"You actually thought it was good?" Mallory asked. "What about the original 'this sucks big time'? Also, this is like my notebook full of randomness. It's not like they're made to be well-constructed or nice or sell big or anything like that..."
The girl set the book down.
"As a fellow writer, might I make a suggestion to you?"
Mallory nodded.
"Maybe if you stopped trying so hard to please everyone you'd do better."
_______________________________________________________________
8.
Mallory thought about this. Huh, that's strange, all this time she had been working only for the sake of winning everyone's approval, to get attention. Why hadn't she seen it before?
"Your opinion sways so much from what other people do or don't do that you get confused and upset. You can't even rely on your own gifts and natural abilities anymore."
Mallory's eyes got wide, "You know, you're right! That's EXACTLY how I feel! How did you know? I couldn't even figure it out, myself!"
Naomi laughed, "Girl, I was in the same boat. I only wrote for the sake of gratitude. In the end I wasn't happy with myself. And I still struggle with it now. Just remember, you're not being selfish for expressing yourself, because you have a lot to offer, so just be original."
Mallory smiled. "Dude, you don't know how glad I am that I talked to you."
After a few minutes they chitchatted on their favorite TV shows, books, bands, and the like. Then at last Mallory's mom showed up.
"Better go," Mallory said as she stood and slung her backpack on.
"Wait!" Naomi said. "Have a Facebook?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Add me, and we can talk more." She quickly scrawled her name down on a sticky note and handed it to Mallory. "Glad to have met you."
"Yeah, same here!" Then Mallory got in the car.
_______________________________________________________________
9.
"Today it looks like things are going to clear up and be sunny with a high of 83 and a low of 74..."
Mallory skipped her usual afternoon of TV and went outside for a change. She hadn't worn her shorts in a while, and they felt great. It's been a week since she had met Naomi, and ever since then a lot more stories have been written. Something about Mallory had changed, it was like a new season had started for her.
Mallory posted her first story on Facebook - her first real story. It was quite random with whimsical characters dealing with unusual situations in a surreal world... But it felt good to put into words, and it turned out quite funny, actually. Later that evening Mallory wanted to check her Facebook to see if anyone had read it.
Typety, typety.... username..... Typety, typety.... password... Enter.
There was one notification that read: "Naomi Ono liked your post."
It was a start. Mallory left a quirky comment on one of Naomi's statuses and then shut down her computer.
Mallory went to the mirror. She looked the same as ever. Yet she was smiling, with her eyes.
"Every story has got to have a beginning," Mallory said to herself, "pfft. So typical. Good thing that's all over."
Mallory left the mirror and skipped down the stairs.
"Climax, here I come!"
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
At Last
So school is coming back tomorrow.... BOOOOOO! Although that's a bummer, I am one step closer to this semester being over. I've only got like, two and a half weeks until I'm free! Woohoo!
I also have to be at a ceremony for my Honors society. I'm going to be in business attire and everything, and going up on stage, and voting for the new officers, and wearing my golden pin, and parking in the faculty parking lot.... What an honor!! :)
But all this can give me pressure, and I can get overwhelmed and stressed very easily at these sorts of things. I guess that's mostly why I'm glad this semester is almost over, and that the homework won't be pouring in, and next semester I'll be a Sophomore (they say Freshman year is the hardest).
It's not that I can't handle it, but it can still be rough. I think I'm ready for Christmas or something. Or some more heart exercises. All this stuff has stretched my heart's abilities to be patient, calm, enduring, and dedicated. And to trust God and praise Him even when I'm crying over a bad grade or too much work. I can confidently say that I will walk out of this a different person, and then laze around for a few weeks emptying my brain of everything I just learned XD
LOVE Y'ALL
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Questioning my Courage
I'm a good person.
No really I am.
Despite the fact that I've stolen, blasphemed, and lied so many times that I can't count....
But I'm good. I haven't killed anybody or anything...
So I just finished watching "180", a 33 minute long documentary that compared the holocaust and Hitler to abortion, and besides the major issues that were brought up I noticed some more subtle things that really tugged at my heart. One question that the interviewer asked several people was (not word for word), "If a Nazi had you at gunpoint and said he'd spare you if you took a bulldozer and buried a bunch of Jews alive, would you do it? Or would you take the bullet?" Immediately in my head I answered, "Pfffft. Bullet, obviously," and was shocked at how many people responded that they would do it to protect themselves. But then that got me on my usual bunny-trail of thought...
"You know, Bethany, dying to save a group of people who are going to die anyway isn't nearly as easy as you think... Wouldn't dying in that situation be completely pointless when those Jews are going to be buried alive anyway? OK it's not likely that you're ever going to be in a situation like that, but I would never kill others even if it would mean taking my own life..."
Then something hit me: "Hmmm, this is kind of like what Jesus did on the cross for us! He died knowing that a lot of us were going to Hell nevertheless..."
He did it because He couldn't bear the possibility that none of us would end up living with Him in the afterlife. He loves us and wants us that much. That's nothing like our typical immature definition of love:
The world has been trembling, especially now. Courage is put on the back burner and forgotten about. We do this because we want to be safe, we don't want to risk our lives. Perhaps we are not meant to be heroes, besides, that job is probably for someone else, right?
Now while it is probably unlikely any of us will endure torture or life threatening situations, it is guaranteed that us true believers will be persecuted. We are to expect this, and be prepared with how we are going to respond. If you are in America you have probably noticed just how much subtle pressure there is for us to keep our beliefs to ourselves or otherwise look like and idiot and screw everything up. Chances are you're heart races a bit out of nervousness when God has entered into a conversation in secular realms, especially at school. Sometimes God and Jesus are mocked right in front of our faces and we're either oblivious, don't care, or are too afraid to defend ourselves.
Here's the thing, if you are a believer, as in, you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know THAT YOU FOR SURE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF DOUBT OR SHRED OF REGRET AND GUILT, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY 100 % CONFIDENTLY IN-THIS-FOR-REAL AND GIVING-IT-ALL-THAT-I-GOT-AND-NOT-JUST-PART-OF-ME-BUT-I-MEAN-EVERYTHING that you will endure anything AND everything for true love.
It's like what Mason Jar Music man Josh Garrels says in his song "Resistance":
"...Overcome every fear of regret and confusion,
It’s all an illusion...
Every mortal breath, is meant to bring forth fire
But only when the fear of death, gets consumed"
And then he closes with:
"It’s gonna cost us everything
To follow one Lord and King
True love endures everything
To be free
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm
We will not be moved"
If you haven't heard that song, you really should, like, you must. Who knows, you're whole life may depend on it!!! It's my power song, like kick Satan in the butt kinda power.
Yet again I am talking to me. I get scared when defending or even admitting my faith needs to happen. If I'm not in this for real, then I will only be lukewarm. And lukewarm people are who God spits out... Phew, God help me out!!
No really I am.
Despite the fact that I've stolen, blasphemed, and lied so many times that I can't count....
But I'm good. I haven't killed anybody or anything...
So I just finished watching "180", a 33 minute long documentary that compared the holocaust and Hitler to abortion, and besides the major issues that were brought up I noticed some more subtle things that really tugged at my heart. One question that the interviewer asked several people was (not word for word), "If a Nazi had you at gunpoint and said he'd spare you if you took a bulldozer and buried a bunch of Jews alive, would you do it? Or would you take the bullet?" Immediately in my head I answered, "Pfffft. Bullet, obviously," and was shocked at how many people responded that they would do it to protect themselves. But then that got me on my usual bunny-trail of thought...
"You know, Bethany, dying to save a group of people who are going to die anyway isn't nearly as easy as you think... Wouldn't dying in that situation be completely pointless when those Jews are going to be buried alive anyway? OK it's not likely that you're ever going to be in a situation like that, but I would never kill others even if it would mean taking my own life..."
Then something hit me: "Hmmm, this is kind of like what Jesus did on the cross for us! He died knowing that a lot of us were going to Hell nevertheless..."
He did it because He couldn't bear the possibility that none of us would end up living with Him in the afterlife. He loves us and wants us that much. That's nothing like our typical immature definition of love:
 |
The world has been trembling, especially now. Courage is put on the back burner and forgotten about. We do this because we want to be safe, we don't want to risk our lives. Perhaps we are not meant to be heroes, besides, that job is probably for someone else, right?
Now while it is probably unlikely any of us will endure torture or life threatening situations, it is guaranteed that us true believers will be persecuted. We are to expect this, and be prepared with how we are going to respond. If you are in America you have probably noticed just how much subtle pressure there is for us to keep our beliefs to ourselves or otherwise look like and idiot and screw everything up. Chances are you're heart races a bit out of nervousness when God has entered into a conversation in secular realms, especially at school. Sometimes God and Jesus are mocked right in front of our faces and we're either oblivious, don't care, or are too afraid to defend ourselves.
Here's the thing, if you are a believer, as in, you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know THAT YOU FOR SURE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF DOUBT OR SHRED OF REGRET AND GUILT, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY 100 % CONFIDENTLY IN-THIS-FOR-REAL AND GIVING-IT-ALL-THAT-I-GOT-AND-NOT-JUST-PART-OF-ME-BUT-I-MEAN-EVERYTHING that you will endure anything AND everything for true love.
It's like what Mason Jar Music man Josh Garrels says in his song "Resistance":
"...Overcome every fear of regret and confusion,
It’s all an illusion...
Every mortal breath, is meant to bring forth fire
But only when the fear of death, gets consumed"
And then he closes with:
"It’s gonna cost us everything
To follow one Lord and King
True love endures everything
To be free
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm
We will not be moved"
If you haven't heard that song, you really should, like, you must. Who knows, you're whole life may depend on it!!! It's my power song, like kick Satan in the butt kinda power.
Yet again I am talking to me. I get scared when defending or even admitting my faith needs to happen. If I'm not in this for real, then I will only be lukewarm. And lukewarm people are who God spits out... Phew, God help me out!!
Friday, November 16, 2012
Amidst the Chaos: An Alternative to Complaining
WHHHHHY MEEEEEEEE?????????
I hate it, though. Complaining is bad for you. I need to stop. You do, too. After all, I don't wanna be like everyone else, and shouldn't want that either.
So I am so chaotically busy right now (just before the holidays, too. At least all this work will make the holidays sweeter) with what seems to be an endless amount of work (who DOESN'T have this?). And here I am blogging!!! Well, I kinda need to right now because I need a better way to vent my frustrations and struggles. No I am not going to be making this a journal post and talk about everything that's been going on, I mean, who wants to read that anyway? We've all got our own problems to deal with!
I know that praying always helps. God is always like, "Well sure I'll help you! Why didn't you say so sooner?"
Music helps, especially worship music. KPop is fun to listen to though, it's like having a party in my ears while my eyes and hands are working!
Two words: Hot tea.
Taking things one at a time!
Getting away from your work helps also. Go outside and get fresh air!!!!
And guess what else???
NOT COMPLAINING MAKES IT WAY BETTER!!!
I am talking to me here, but I know everyone has moments where they need to relax, too.
Now I need to get back to work. I have several assignments due next week, plans to work out, places to go, things to do, and everything else in between! Thanks God for not letting my head (or mouth) explode!!!
Monday, November 5, 2012
When the Cause Effects You
Election day is coming up (as everyone in the US knows) and Republicans, Democrats, whatever-parties and anarchists everywhere are in high tension right now over the whole thing. What's easy to notice is that the overall fight (amongst non-political people) over the presidents isn't necessarily a big argument over which person is the best guy to run our country. It's leaning more towards morality and/or whose views we like better, in fact, it's somewhat a "what's in it for me" deal.
Specific issues regarding what's right or wrong are always tied to where our leaders stand, and generally we choose the side with whom we agree with most. Issues like gay marriage, abortion, religious freedom, animal treatment, and money are hotly debated right now. Some people don't give a crud about morals and are just like, "whatevs", some choose a side and stay silent, while others grab their guns and battle with a full-on, hostile resistance against the opposing side.
This is not an article about politics, thank goodness (you can relax and stop the eye-rolling now)! Rather this about when fighting for what we think are "good causes" can become a horrific error. If you are like me and want to see good morals becoming common again, read on and please pay attention.
Let's start with 2 current, different, real-life scenarios:
A 21 year old man named Nelson Menard was caught abusing his dog, Kindle. A huge Internet petition was issued to give Nelson the maximum possible jail sentence, a $25,000 fine, and a LIFETIME ban from owning or being around animals. The damage done to Kindle was nothing short of horrific, but that request is quite unforgiving and very extreme. Many Animal Rights Activists think that that's not nearly enough punishment, however. In response to the petition, they were constantly lashing out hateful urges for justice to be done with torture and then death. It was utterly terrifying to see what others pleaded for in defense of Kindle.
During an Obama rally in Cincinnati last Sunday, two protesters against abortion were screaming at the president during his speech. Obama stopped, and the crowd of 13,500 drowned him out with a chant of “Four more years!” The man was then escorted out by five police officers. Another man then stood up and began yelling as well, but almost immediately he too was taken away. Stevie Wonder shows up to perform and gives a little "response" about how men should never say what a woman is to do with her body.
Now I am pro-life all the way, but one person looking like an idiot in front of thousands for a cause is going to paint the whole group that way, too. Those 13,500 others now see us more as reckless jerks, thank you very much.
ANY HOSTILE, RECKLESS, BEHAVIOR FOR A CAUSE IS NEVER OK.
The saddest thing for me to see is when believers and "good" people go "bad" for a cause. When you defend something, you must make sure that it is out of love. Any actions that are not loving for a cause guarantee more opposition. The cheesy phrase, What Would Jesus Do? would seriously really help. Just don't turn over any tables, ok?
The point is Jesus wouldn't wish for revenge, show disrespect, or be hateful to anyone or anything. Judgment on others is meant completely for God, because only He knows the full story and the root of all actions. Patience, hope, and prayer are the tools we need to fight for good in this world. Anything not of the Lord doesn't deserve to be present. Sometimes we think that this method is ineffective, but we have to trust God's instructions and timing and let Him work out what we can't.
Also, believers should never put a cause before the Father. God comes first before our desires. Build your life around him first, then worry about everything.
Specific issues regarding what's right or wrong are always tied to where our leaders stand, and generally we choose the side with whom we agree with most. Issues like gay marriage, abortion, religious freedom, animal treatment, and money are hotly debated right now. Some people don't give a crud about morals and are just like, "whatevs", some choose a side and stay silent, while others grab their guns and battle with a full-on, hostile resistance against the opposing side.
This is not an article about politics, thank goodness (you can relax and stop the eye-rolling now)! Rather this about when fighting for what we think are "good causes" can become a horrific error. If you are like me and want to see good morals becoming common again, read on and please pay attention.
Let's start with 2 current, different, real-life scenarios:
A 21 year old man named Nelson Menard was caught abusing his dog, Kindle. A huge Internet petition was issued to give Nelson the maximum possible jail sentence, a $25,000 fine, and a LIFETIME ban from owning or being around animals. The damage done to Kindle was nothing short of horrific, but that request is quite unforgiving and very extreme. Many Animal Rights Activists think that that's not nearly enough punishment, however. In response to the petition, they were constantly lashing out hateful urges for justice to be done with torture and then death. It was utterly terrifying to see what others pleaded for in defense of Kindle.
During an Obama rally in Cincinnati last Sunday, two protesters against abortion were screaming at the president during his speech. Obama stopped, and the crowd of 13,500 drowned him out with a chant of “Four more years!” The man was then escorted out by five police officers. Another man then stood up and began yelling as well, but almost immediately he too was taken away. Stevie Wonder shows up to perform and gives a little "response" about how men should never say what a woman is to do with her body.
Now I am pro-life all the way, but one person looking like an idiot in front of thousands for a cause is going to paint the whole group that way, too. Those 13,500 others now see us more as reckless jerks, thank you very much.
ANY HOSTILE, RECKLESS, BEHAVIOR FOR A CAUSE IS NEVER OK.
The saddest thing for me to see is when believers and "good" people go "bad" for a cause. When you defend something, you must make sure that it is out of love. Any actions that are not loving for a cause guarantee more opposition. The cheesy phrase, What Would Jesus Do? would seriously really help. Just don't turn over any tables, ok?
The point is Jesus wouldn't wish for revenge, show disrespect, or be hateful to anyone or anything. Judgment on others is meant completely for God, because only He knows the full story and the root of all actions. Patience, hope, and prayer are the tools we need to fight for good in this world. Anything not of the Lord doesn't deserve to be present. Sometimes we think that this method is ineffective, but we have to trust God's instructions and timing and let Him work out what we can't.
Also, believers should never put a cause before the Father. God comes first before our desires. Build your life around him first, then worry about everything.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Rosaline: A Ghost in Search of Angels
This is a very short fictional story dedicated to those who are lost, have been lost, or are always searching.
May you find what you are looking for and chase after it with all that you are.
Wednesday:
My mother once told me when I was little to do whatever I wanted to do when I grow up, and as long as I'm happy with that, I'll get by. Those words sound so promising, but continually I ask her,"Why can't I find happiness?"
She's gone. I have her picture next to my bed. I hold it and hug it every time I see it. How I do miss her. Sometimes talk to the picture, and I know there is no way she could hear me, but it does bring comfort to me somehow. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to, they wouldn't understand anyway. I have my dad, but all he does now is lay on the Lazy Boy all day in front of the TV with a couple of beers, frozen solid, with an empty expression on his face. When I get home from school (which is a living Hell, by the way) and I say, "I'm home", the most I get out of him is a grunt. I can sit there and try to tell him about my day, but he won't move one bit, he'll just shush me because he's trying to listen to what the commercials are saying. It's like he's lost his ability to speak. The only actual words he knows how to say to me now are, "Rosaline! Beer!" Often I just ignore it.
Thursday:
I don't know what I'm really feeling. Amidst the chaos that my life is I have this daily routine that I follow religiously. Every evening, just after the sun goes down, I go to the deli on the corner of the street, sit against the wall in the back (so that no one can see me), where the boring old grey bricks are covered in graffiti. Once I get there, I sit real still, and for some strange reason, tears just flow. I pull out the necklace which hides under my hoodie, unhook the clasp, take the charm out and swiftly run it against my wrist. I watch the red run, the more the better, and like clockwork, more tears fall. Sometimes I'll just cry for hours before I can pull myself together and do my routine. It's not often, but when it does happen and I'm running a bit late, I'll be sure to give myself more to do for delaying. Once I cried for so long I was able to clearly write the word "death" on my arm. I don't really know why I had chosen that word, it just kind of... happened.
Those red dashes are somewhat therapeutic, they take my mind off other things briefly, but the bummer is that it's not really real. Real pain is what I feel on the inside, like a stirring sensation either in my heart, my head, or my stomach that just aches. It's hard to explain, but the best way I can describe it is it's like a cloud that hovers over me all the time, the darker it is the more stirring occurs.
You know what, I don't even care anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here, why I'm alive and breathing, I mean, am I even alive? Does living mean anything if no one is there to share it with you? I am completely alone, so if I weren't here, the world wouldn't miss me. I mean, I have to be honest with myself, what difference would it make if I leave? I guess death scares me a bit, not sure why.
Friday:
At school I am tired of being told what to do. Everyone acts like they're my boss, and if I don't obey their orders they'll "fire" me without even listening to what I have to say. No matter where I go I am being pressured to wear some sort of disguise, to do this with that boy, to watch that junk, to follow that leader, to believe what they believe... The list of demands is literally endless. I may be just a teen, but I am smart enough to recognize what's going on around me. Everyone claims that what they think is true, everyone believes they're right. Because this happens, how the heck am I supposed to know what's true? I wonder if it's even worth seeking.
Sometimes when my mind wonders I can't help but notice that there seems to be a million ways to fail for every one thing that can be done right. It's hard to be positive when all you ever do is fail. I don't know what's right. My head repeatedly screams, "There's an easy way out of this..... Just take it..... Give up....Leave this all behind...." And no matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of it.
It.
Won't.
Go.
Away.
Saturday:
I am nothing more than a ghost. I feel deep inside me that I have nothing; I am hollow, just drifting, wanting to make an impact on somebody, tell them my story, but I can't because what I have to say would just float right through them.
Alright, I am done talking about this. No more wasting time.
I'm finally ready.
I am going to my corner tonight for the last time. I am not brave enough to carry on. I am going to get the necklace out, ready to dive deeper than ever before. Even though that whole eternal life junk is totally bogus, I hope at least that somehow I can apologize to my mother in this way. I yelled at her so much before she left, I said some things I shouldn't, but I wish that crazy driver killed me instead. I wish that was me... I wish I could bring her back. I can't. Like that stuff they say in the movies, I want to join her.
No one will come for me.
NO one cares.
Goodbye.
Sunday:
I am not dead. It's not that I didn't have the guts to do it, it's that I was sort of... stopped. Here's what happened:
I'm at the corner, this time not bringing any music to block out outside noise ('cause what's the point), decided to get the job done quick when a van passed by the deli and stopped by the nearby stop sign, blaring music so loud that I could hear the words clearly:
"You are more than the choices that you made,
you are more the sum of past mistakes,
you are more than the problems you create..."
Then the van drove away and the song was gone.
OK, so I've always been a musical person, but I rarely consider the lyrics to stuff (you should see how few songs on my iTunes do not bear the label, "explicit"). For some bizarre reason, those lyrics hit me hard; I had this strong feeling in my chest, like my heart was punched, sort of like someone was really trying to get my attention!
I ignored it. Just a coincidence, right?
I place the tiny blade to my wrist, lift up my arm to prepare to stab, when two employees from the deli leaped out of the front door of the building shrieking and laughing out these lyrics:
"Make me feel better! I want to feel better!
Stay with me here now! And never surrender!"
The two men walked away laughing hysterically at their goofiness. They had no idea what they just did to me. That startled me so much I had flung my necklace forward and it fell through a drain vent in front of me. What. Were. The. Chances. I knelt in front of the drain. There goes my ticket to leave tonight.
"NO!" I screamed aloud and shuddered with rage. What I blurted out next surprised me:
"If anyone can hear me, if anyone cares, would you please give me one reason to stay?"
My cry echoed off the walls, then the street, then it faded away. No reply. I fell to the ground and sobbed. Then, out of the blue, a voice chimed in behind me;
"Miss, are you OK?"
That startled me as well. I sat up, makeup and tears running down my cheeks. "I-I-I didn't hear you coming!" I said, "I am so, so sorry, I'm sorry I'm here..." I tried to hurry out of the area as quick as I could but then the man stopped me, "Don't depart yet!" Interesting choice of words. I froze, back turned to the man. He probably thought I was drunk or something. "I need to go..." I replied quietly.
I turned around and looked at him. He was in his sixties, short, and innocent-looking, wearing a deli uniform. He slowly reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "Here, take this." I took it. It was a coupon for a free soda in the deli. "Peace be with you!" He passed me with a sweet smile and walked inside. I went home with the hopes of getting a new blade, but never actually looked for one. I just plopped onto my bed, and laid there for what must've been an hour, thinking...
Monday:
After school I went over to the deli to get the soda. I had nothing else to do, and there was no way I was going home to my zombie father then. I still couldn't get my mind off what happened last night. I wasn't focused on how much I hated myself anymore, I kept thinking over and over about what that little man said;
"Peace be with you!"
So I come in and the first thing I notice is the song that plays inside:
"We want a reason to live...
Going through this life, looking for angels,
people passing by, looking for angels,
walking down the street, looking for angels..."
Maybe that's what I've been looking for: angels. That's crazy, I know, but so far music and those bizarre timely events seem to be connected somehow. I don't think I've ever totally denied the existence of the supernatural, I mean, there could be angels treading upon planet Earth. Not that they'd actually care to help us out or anything. Why should they? Maybe angels do want to help people, but it's hard to because people can't see them or hear them. Am I able to see or hear angels if they existed?
All I know is that somehow all of this strangeness has made me feel... better. I actually kind of feel a little bit happy. Unfortunately this feeling is probably meaningless. Look, I'm still sorting this all out, OK?
Anyway, so I go up to the counter and hand the pimply cashier my coupon, get a Dr. Pepper from the machine next to him, and then noticed he had a name tag on. The old guy never had a name tag.
"Um, excuse me?" I asked.
"Yeah?" Cashier guy replied, voice cracking a bit.
"Can you tell me the name of one of your fellow employees?"
"Iunno, probably..."
I cleared my throat. "Well, he's kinda short, er, shorter than me, that is... He has grey hair and I'm guessing he's around sixty-something years old. Ring a bell?"
Cashier gave me a funny look. "OK, I don't know who you're talking about. I may be new at this place but I know everyone who works here. The oldest guy here isn't even forty!"
Now I've walked away from him with this remaining:
What else is there left for me to discover? Tomorrow I suppose I shall find out. I guess I've always been a seeker: constantly on the lookout for new things and continuing the search for more after I find them. Whatever this is all about, I'm kind of glad it happened. I don't think I've ever clung to a sliver of happiness with such a spirit that cherishes before. Perhaps all this time my eyes have been averted from where angels hide. Maybe they stand in front of the tv where my dad lazes around, maybe they give me support when jerks at school try to cut me down. So, I guess, if it's you God who sends angels here, I just want to say,
Thank You.
"In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places"
May you find what you are looking for and chase after it with all that you are.
Wednesday:
My mother once told me when I was little to do whatever I wanted to do when I grow up, and as long as I'm happy with that, I'll get by. Those words sound so promising, but continually I ask her,"Why can't I find happiness?"
She's gone. I have her picture next to my bed. I hold it and hug it every time I see it. How I do miss her. Sometimes talk to the picture, and I know there is no way she could hear me, but it does bring comfort to me somehow. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to, they wouldn't understand anyway. I have my dad, but all he does now is lay on the Lazy Boy all day in front of the TV with a couple of beers, frozen solid, with an empty expression on his face. When I get home from school (which is a living Hell, by the way) and I say, "I'm home", the most I get out of him is a grunt. I can sit there and try to tell him about my day, but he won't move one bit, he'll just shush me because he's trying to listen to what the commercials are saying. It's like he's lost his ability to speak. The only actual words he knows how to say to me now are, "Rosaline! Beer!" Often I just ignore it.
Thursday:
I don't know what I'm really feeling. Amidst the chaos that my life is I have this daily routine that I follow religiously. Every evening, just after the sun goes down, I go to the deli on the corner of the street, sit against the wall in the back (so that no one can see me), where the boring old grey bricks are covered in graffiti. Once I get there, I sit real still, and for some strange reason, tears just flow. I pull out the necklace which hides under my hoodie, unhook the clasp, take the charm out and swiftly run it against my wrist. I watch the red run, the more the better, and like clockwork, more tears fall. Sometimes I'll just cry for hours before I can pull myself together and do my routine. It's not often, but when it does happen and I'm running a bit late, I'll be sure to give myself more to do for delaying. Once I cried for so long I was able to clearly write the word "death" on my arm. I don't really know why I had chosen that word, it just kind of... happened.
Those red dashes are somewhat therapeutic, they take my mind off other things briefly, but the bummer is that it's not really real. Real pain is what I feel on the inside, like a stirring sensation either in my heart, my head, or my stomach that just aches. It's hard to explain, but the best way I can describe it is it's like a cloud that hovers over me all the time, the darker it is the more stirring occurs.
You know what, I don't even care anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here, why I'm alive and breathing, I mean, am I even alive? Does living mean anything if no one is there to share it with you? I am completely alone, so if I weren't here, the world wouldn't miss me. I mean, I have to be honest with myself, what difference would it make if I leave? I guess death scares me a bit, not sure why.
Friday:
At school I am tired of being told what to do. Everyone acts like they're my boss, and if I don't obey their orders they'll "fire" me without even listening to what I have to say. No matter where I go I am being pressured to wear some sort of disguise, to do this with that boy, to watch that junk, to follow that leader, to believe what they believe... The list of demands is literally endless. I may be just a teen, but I am smart enough to recognize what's going on around me. Everyone claims that what they think is true, everyone believes they're right. Because this happens, how the heck am I supposed to know what's true? I wonder if it's even worth seeking.
Sometimes when my mind wonders I can't help but notice that there seems to be a million ways to fail for every one thing that can be done right. It's hard to be positive when all you ever do is fail. I don't know what's right. My head repeatedly screams, "There's an easy way out of this..... Just take it..... Give up....Leave this all behind...." And no matter how hard I try, I can't get rid of it.
It.
Won't.
Go.
Away.
Saturday:
I am nothing more than a ghost. I feel deep inside me that I have nothing; I am hollow, just drifting, wanting to make an impact on somebody, tell them my story, but I can't because what I have to say would just float right through them.
Alright, I am done talking about this. No more wasting time.
I'm finally ready.
I am going to my corner tonight for the last time. I am not brave enough to carry on. I am going to get the necklace out, ready to dive deeper than ever before. Even though that whole eternal life junk is totally bogus, I hope at least that somehow I can apologize to my mother in this way. I yelled at her so much before she left, I said some things I shouldn't, but I wish that crazy driver killed me instead. I wish that was me... I wish I could bring her back. I can't. Like that stuff they say in the movies, I want to join her.
No one will come for me.
NO one cares.
Goodbye.
Sunday:
I am not dead. It's not that I didn't have the guts to do it, it's that I was sort of... stopped. Here's what happened:
I'm at the corner, this time not bringing any music to block out outside noise ('cause what's the point), decided to get the job done quick when a van passed by the deli and stopped by the nearby stop sign, blaring music so loud that I could hear the words clearly:
"You are more than the choices that you made,
you are more the sum of past mistakes,
you are more than the problems you create..."
Then the van drove away and the song was gone.
OK, so I've always been a musical person, but I rarely consider the lyrics to stuff (you should see how few songs on my iTunes do not bear the label, "explicit"). For some bizarre reason, those lyrics hit me hard; I had this strong feeling in my chest, like my heart was punched, sort of like someone was really trying to get my attention!
I ignored it. Just a coincidence, right?
I place the tiny blade to my wrist, lift up my arm to prepare to stab, when two employees from the deli leaped out of the front door of the building shrieking and laughing out these lyrics:
"Make me feel better! I want to feel better!
Stay with me here now! And never surrender!"
The two men walked away laughing hysterically at their goofiness. They had no idea what they just did to me. That startled me so much I had flung my necklace forward and it fell through a drain vent in front of me. What. Were. The. Chances. I knelt in front of the drain. There goes my ticket to leave tonight.
"NO!" I screamed aloud and shuddered with rage. What I blurted out next surprised me:
"If anyone can hear me, if anyone cares, would you please give me one reason to stay?"
My cry echoed off the walls, then the street, then it faded away. No reply. I fell to the ground and sobbed. Then, out of the blue, a voice chimed in behind me;
"Miss, are you OK?"
That startled me as well. I sat up, makeup and tears running down my cheeks. "I-I-I didn't hear you coming!" I said, "I am so, so sorry, I'm sorry I'm here..." I tried to hurry out of the area as quick as I could but then the man stopped me, "Don't depart yet!" Interesting choice of words. I froze, back turned to the man. He probably thought I was drunk or something. "I need to go..." I replied quietly.
I turned around and looked at him. He was in his sixties, short, and innocent-looking, wearing a deli uniform. He slowly reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "Here, take this." I took it. It was a coupon for a free soda in the deli. "Peace be with you!" He passed me with a sweet smile and walked inside. I went home with the hopes of getting a new blade, but never actually looked for one. I just plopped onto my bed, and laid there for what must've been an hour, thinking...
Monday:
After school I went over to the deli to get the soda. I had nothing else to do, and there was no way I was going home to my zombie father then. I still couldn't get my mind off what happened last night. I wasn't focused on how much I hated myself anymore, I kept thinking over and over about what that little man said;
"Peace be with you!"
So I come in and the first thing I notice is the song that plays inside:
"We want a reason to live...
Going through this life, looking for angels,
people passing by, looking for angels,
walking down the street, looking for angels..."
Maybe that's what I've been looking for: angels. That's crazy, I know, but so far music and those bizarre timely events seem to be connected somehow. I don't think I've ever totally denied the existence of the supernatural, I mean, there could be angels treading upon planet Earth. Not that they'd actually care to help us out or anything. Why should they? Maybe angels do want to help people, but it's hard to because people can't see them or hear them. Am I able to see or hear angels if they existed?
All I know is that somehow all of this strangeness has made me feel... better. I actually kind of feel a little bit happy. Unfortunately this feeling is probably meaningless. Look, I'm still sorting this all out, OK?
Anyway, so I go up to the counter and hand the pimply cashier my coupon, get a Dr. Pepper from the machine next to him, and then noticed he had a name tag on. The old guy never had a name tag.
"Um, excuse me?" I asked.
"Yeah?" Cashier guy replied, voice cracking a bit.
"Can you tell me the name of one of your fellow employees?"
"Iunno, probably..."
I cleared my throat. "Well, he's kinda short, er, shorter than me, that is... He has grey hair and I'm guessing he's around sixty-something years old. Ring a bell?"
Cashier gave me a funny look. "OK, I don't know who you're talking about. I may be new at this place but I know everyone who works here. The oldest guy here isn't even forty!"
Now I've walked away from him with this remaining:
What else is there left for me to discover? Tomorrow I suppose I shall find out. I guess I've always been a seeker: constantly on the lookout for new things and continuing the search for more after I find them. Whatever this is all about, I'm kind of glad it happened. I don't think I've ever clung to a sliver of happiness with such a spirit that cherishes before. Perhaps all this time my eyes have been averted from where angels hide. Maybe they stand in front of the tv where my dad lazes around, maybe they give me support when jerks at school try to cut me down. So, I guess, if it's you God who sends angels here, I just want to say,
Thank You.
"In the midst of the most painful faces
Angels show up in the strangest of places"
Thursday, October 18, 2012
My Amazing Announcement
I have not posted a post on my blog in what feels like several years. OK, I sadly have nothing to say at this point, I'm just going to "announce" a short fiction that I am currently writing about a suicidal 15-year-old girl named Rosaline. It was really weird writing it, because it all just kindof fell onto the page without me thinking about it. It just kindof, happened. It's rather depressing and quirky at the same time, and it strangely coincides with things that God has been trying to tell me and a few other people I know. It's a message about love and not losing yourself. Hopefully you will get something out of my story somehow. I know I am.
Chill til then!
Bethany
Chill til then!
Bethany
Monday, October 1, 2012
Is she died?
WOW.
Not being on blogger in 11 days feels like forever. Guess what, everybody? I am a college student!! Besides that I have a life!!! I've missed Blogger very much, yes, but I have been very busy. Anyway, let me catch up here...
Being a freshman and all the first couple weeks of classes were torture. My week was generally full of panic, worry, crying, freaking out, breaking down, and failing. I didn't really show it to anyone, but inside I was exploding. Somehow I've survived, and I've caught onto the schedule fairly quickly. If you are not yet a college student, a little word of advice is ALL OF THOSE FEELINGS ARE NORMAL, and as the British say:
Not being on blogger in 11 days feels like forever. Guess what, everybody? I am a college student!! Besides that I have a life!!! I've missed Blogger very much, yes, but I have been very busy. Anyway, let me catch up here...
Being a freshman and all the first couple weeks of classes were torture. My week was generally full of panic, worry, crying, freaking out, breaking down, and failing. I didn't really show it to anyone, but inside I was exploding. Somehow I've survived, and I've caught onto the schedule fairly quickly. If you are not yet a college student, a little word of advice is ALL OF THOSE FEELINGS ARE NORMAL, and as the British say:
Really, just relax, you won't die. I was pretty convinced I was, but I am still alive and doing well in my classes so far. I am a living example of emotional chaos when beginning something new, so trust me on this. If I can make it, so can you.
Also, when you have boatloads of work, don't try tackling them all at once. I don't mean slacking off is ok, I mean taking breaks is ok and actually improves productivity. Usually you would work like this:
You work 30 minutes, give yourself a 10 minute break
You work 45 minutes, take a 15 minute break
You work an hour, get back 25 minutes
You work for 3 hours straight (don't do this), watch some tv, bake a pie, go on a short shopping trip, or even better, take a walk. A LOOOOOONG walk.
etc etc etc
To help relieve stress, do this:
- Drink calming tea
- Escape from your workspace and take a walk. Try to clear your mind from everything that's making you freak out and just focus on the breeze, the flowers, the crunchy leaves, etc.
- Take a nap
- Listen to calming/encouraging music
- Read your Bible
- Remember it's not the end of the world!
- And as the British say:
That's all I gotta say. Really.
Have a blessed semester!!!!!!!!! :D
Friday, September 21, 2012
Death By iPod
So my iPod touch died just a couple days ago. It was pretty sad, but it was expected. I got it in the summer before my trip to Rome three years ago... I guess three years is a pretty long life for an iPod. My ancient white iPod video however still RUNS ok, even though that thing is seven years old. It has a couple quirks that I am probably going to pay to get fixed before I dive into buying a new itouch.
With our ears constantly clogged with music from earphones, our eyes on instant streaming movies from our mobile devices, and there being so many inescapable words and images flashed at us from virtually everywhere, it's no wonder so many of us are having a hard time hearing God. I may sound like someone from the 1800's right now, but if you really look at how digital we are, you have to be a little freaked out. It's not the technology in it of itself that's scary necessarily, but rather how involved and consumed humans are with it.
 |
| Lead us not into temptation. Must........ resist...... the wondrous... beauty!!! |
But my ancient iPod isn't the only reason why I am not getting myself a new sleek iDevice. No, the main reason is because, well, I think God does not WANT me too....
Lately I've been hearing the message about waking up spiritually, specifically becoming more aware of God's voice and when He's speaking to you. I feel like I desperately need to grasp and understand the meaning of that message! Really though, all of us do, but sometimes the messages that are meant for everyone are the ones we ignore the most.
With our ears constantly clogged with music from earphones, our eyes on instant streaming movies from our mobile devices, and there being so many inescapable words and images flashed at us from virtually everywhere, it's no wonder so many of us are having a hard time hearing God. I may sound like someone from the 1800's right now, but if you really look at how digital we are, you have to be a little freaked out. It's not the technology in it of itself that's scary necessarily, but rather how involved and consumed humans are with it.
OK, back to me and the whole iPod thing...
Here is an interesting pattern that I was partially unaware of until after the death of my iPod. One day a couple months ago I felt like God was telling me to "unplug" myself from my iPod for a whole week in order to focus more on Him. I obeyed, and found that I was closer to Him than before! Even though it was wonderful, after that week was up, I felt like God wanted me to give up iPod time for longer. Being the human being that I am, I ignored Him and reattached myself to that thing immediately.
I always knew I was a music fanatic, even when I was very small I knew music. But plugging my iPod into my laptop and viewing how many times I had played songs off it was quite alarming. For example, I had listened to my favorite song nearly 2000 times, when I had purchased it just a few months ago... listening to that song ALONE was 5 and a half full days long... and that was only 1 song out of the other 600.
Simply put, and I confess publicly on the internet, I loved that square of plastic, metal, and wires more than my own Father and creator. Sure I didn't pray to it and I didn't have an intimate relationship with it, but I was with it more than I was with Him. I would use that thing for my own desires and pleasure rather than for His glory, which is possible, believe me, with the awesome free Bible apps and all... But I relied on it too much. I began to want it, to need it. I was addicted, and I had no clue what harm it was doing to me.
Wasting time is probably the most dangerous thing you can do yourself or anybody else because, literally, it is the easiest way to steal LIFE out of yourself. Our lives are determined by how much time is given to us. No one can ever know how many years they are going to spend here on earth, and when you die, THAT'S IT. No more time will be granted to you. Your life is gone when your time is up.
It's amazing how limited a human's knowledge is. We can know everything there is to know about the universe but know nothing of our souls, our time, and our hearts. Here is something for YOU to consider: what do you place higher than God? C'mon, we all do it. It could be technology, people, food, money, even habits; anything that is earthly. Think about that one thing and try a week long fast like I did and see if your relationship with God has improved at all. If it has, perhaps God has been calling you to give a little more, and all this time you didn't even notice.
For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
How Far is Too Far?
If you are like me (and everyone else in America for that matter), I can be a bit of a media junky. I am especially geeky over American superheroes, clever TV shows, cult classics, and comic books. One thing I, and some others, have noticed is that our standards on what is safe as far as content goes in the media has shot waaaaay down over time. So here are two important questions:
How far can we go without getting hurt? How close can we get to fire without being burned?
Here's an easier question to answer:
Have you ever seen a film that felt so intense the first time, but the more you watched it the less intense it became?
Just last week I got to re-watch the movie The Dark Knight and the first thing I noticed is that it strangely seemed less disturbing than the first time I saw it. Sure this movie isn't "Saw", but it doesn't take a genius or "spiritual" person to recognize just how evil the Joker is. But scarily enough, people actually admire the Joker and think he's the coolest thing ever... even though he's more than just sinister, he's demonic. So how does this dude and others seem less "bad" the more we see them?
Repetition is key. Doesn't matter how gradual the process, eventually you will become used to it. The more you allow one thing into your minds, the more involved you become with it, even if it's involuntary. The more involved you are in something the more your mind shapes around it. If we are diligent about praying and speaking with our Lord on a very regular basis, wouldn't our hearts and minds gradually become more inviting for God's love to shape and change our hearts? In this same way we can also allow other things in and easily become "used to" something dreadful.
Desensitization affects all of the senses and your spirit. It's that serious.
As long as we cannot understand or even realize why something is "wrong", then we can no longer sense when something is "right".
So all this begs these questions: "WHAT is the reason behind the enforcement of desensitization? HOW is it so easily being done and WHY?"
Well, the obvious reason is money. Human beings like money, and media can be an easy way to rake in the dough. If you want your show to grab viewers, you sometimes need to do a bit more than just try to entertain them. You want to hit at something that will keep them coming for more, for men that can mean alluring them with sex, and with females; false, impossible, and oh-so-mooshy relationships. There are several other ways, but you get the idea. Money talks. Sin sells. Simple.
And for the big, fiery, evil red guy that reeks of sulfur with the horns? Yeah, he loves desensitization because he'd do anything to keep us from "joining sides" with his arch-enemy. If we lose our abilities to tell the difference between right and wrong, then we won't be able to tell who's talking to us, God or Satan, or if anyone is talking at all. Because media is so so so so SO SO SO SO SO huge in this age, it only makes sense that Satan would try out for the big leagues.
Many people right now are fully aware of the subtle yet dark effects of modern media (especially with the whole crazy Illuminati theory breaking out), but sadly many Christians either don't agree that media has that sort of power, or they simply don't think it's such a big deal and ignore it. And sometimes using the excuse that because God is in their hearts thus they will be automatically forgiven, as if God is the official forgiveness vending machine.
And even if the problem media is posing really is mild, it doesn't really matter, does it? If it has something that does not reflect God's love, then what is the point? This doesn't mean you should drop every single show or automatically hate every movie you used to think were cool. This just means to be more careful, aware, and able to say no.
On that note, God Himself can be evident in media too! Sometimes you just gotta look out for Him.
How far can we go without getting hurt? How close can we get to fire without being burned?
Here's an easier question to answer:
Have you ever seen a film that felt so intense the first time, but the more you watched it the less intense it became?
Just last week I got to re-watch the movie The Dark Knight and the first thing I noticed is that it strangely seemed less disturbing than the first time I saw it. Sure this movie isn't "Saw", but it doesn't take a genius or "spiritual" person to recognize just how evil the Joker is. But scarily enough, people actually admire the Joker and think he's the coolest thing ever... even though he's more than just sinister, he's demonic. So how does this dude and others seem less "bad" the more we see them?
Repetition is key. Doesn't matter how gradual the process, eventually you will become used to it. The more you allow one thing into your minds, the more involved you become with it, even if it's involuntary. The more involved you are in something the more your mind shapes around it. If we are diligent about praying and speaking with our Lord on a very regular basis, wouldn't our hearts and minds gradually become more inviting for God's love to shape and change our hearts? In this same way we can also allow other things in and easily become "used to" something dreadful.Desensitization affects all of the senses and your spirit. It's that serious.
As long as we cannot understand or even realize why something is "wrong", then we can no longer sense when something is "right".
Well, the obvious reason is money. Human beings like money, and media can be an easy way to rake in the dough. If you want your show to grab viewers, you sometimes need to do a bit more than just try to entertain them. You want to hit at something that will keep them coming for more, for men that can mean alluring them with sex, and with females; false, impossible, and oh-so-mooshy relationships. There are several other ways, but you get the idea. Money talks. Sin sells. Simple.
And for the big, fiery, evil red guy that reeks of sulfur with the horns? Yeah, he loves desensitization because he'd do anything to keep us from "joining sides" with his arch-enemy. If we lose our abilities to tell the difference between right and wrong, then we won't be able to tell who's talking to us, God or Satan, or if anyone is talking at all. Because media is so so so so SO SO SO SO SO huge in this age, it only makes sense that Satan would try out for the big leagues.
Many people right now are fully aware of the subtle yet dark effects of modern media (especially with the whole crazy Illuminati theory breaking out), but sadly many Christians either don't agree that media has that sort of power, or they simply don't think it's such a big deal and ignore it. And sometimes using the excuse that because God is in their hearts thus they will be automatically forgiven, as if God is the official forgiveness vending machine.And even if the problem media is posing really is mild, it doesn't really matter, does it? If it has something that does not reflect God's love, then what is the point? This doesn't mean you should drop every single show or automatically hate every movie you used to think were cool. This just means to be more careful, aware, and able to say no.
On that note, God Himself can be evident in media too! Sometimes you just gotta look out for Him.
Isaiah 55:6
New International Version (NIV)
Saturday, September 15, 2012
The most exciting thing ever
Ok so I'm going to talk about stuff that happened earlier this very day.
Uh oh, it's another "a day in the life" post! Quick, everybody leave this page and watch Gangnam Style instead!!!!!!!!
Actually please don't. I mean, mostly what I have to say isn't that interesting and it won't add to your life but hey, I wanna blog just to blog every once in a while.
So in case you guys didn't know I was invited a few weeks back to go to an orientation about joining the PHI THETA KAPPA International Honors Society, which is an organization that recognizes academic excellence in students at small colleges. That was exciting! The staff were fun and the meeting actually wasn't boring. Moving on.
Before that my dad and two of my little bros were just killing time, and one of the places we stopped at was Sam's where I stared at the amazing new Apple products and Hobby Lobby (which is like my candy store, I could stay there for hours). I got a robot charm and a chain and made this!
And I got some canvases and paint and stickers etc. I would've purchased metal wall art too but I didn't have enough time to look at them and choose.
Yeah, I already got a lot of stuff of course, but one thing I didn't get which I strongly regret is this epic duct tape. UNOME. I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about my foolish mistake, perhaps because it is not something that I need. But it wouldn't have been completely pointless, I could've made a wallet or a rose or a pen or a necktie for a cat !!!!!!!!!!!!
Well after all that I studied and hung out and ate a s'more.
The end.
Uh oh, it's another "a day in the life" post! Quick, everybody leave this page and watch Gangnam Style instead!!!!!!!!
Actually please don't. I mean, mostly what I have to say isn't that interesting and it won't add to your life but hey, I wanna blog just to blog every once in a while.
So in case you guys didn't know I was invited a few weeks back to go to an orientation about joining the PHI THETA KAPPA International Honors Society, which is an organization that recognizes academic excellence in students at small colleges. That was exciting! The staff were fun and the meeting actually wasn't boring. Moving on.
Before that my dad and two of my little bros were just killing time, and one of the places we stopped at was Sam's where I stared at the amazing new Apple products and Hobby Lobby (which is like my candy store, I could stay there for hours). I got a robot charm and a chain and made this!
Yeah, I already got a lot of stuff of course, but one thing I didn't get which I strongly regret is this epic duct tape. UNOME. I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about my foolish mistake, perhaps because it is not something that I need. But it wouldn't have been completely pointless, I could've made a wallet or a rose or a pen or a necktie for a cat !!!!!!!!!!!!
Well after all that I studied and hung out and ate a s'more.
The end.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I don't even
There are many things that everyone doesn't have to agree on.
Take Christian music for example, I grew up listening to the Christian music station and I oftentimes find it encouraging and the lightweight beats are catchy and fun. I have a friend who strongly dislikes music from this genre, even though she is a Christian herself. She thinks the music is cheesy and that the encouragement is fake. I disagree with her, yet I can see why she might think that.
Or, as another example, social networking. I personally like using Twitter and Facebook even though almost all my closest friends do not have either one of them. I think having a Facebook increases your connectivity with important people like your boss, your classmates, or your parents (call them for once, you fool). Plus for all my long distance friends, it's a convenient way to stay in touch since I never get to see them. There are my many friends who wish to stay old-fashioned and not join with the new forms of communication out of fear or dislike. Others find it pointless and a waste of time when you could be communicating in real life. Again, I see where there are coming from, and though I disagree, I still understand.
Morally speaking, however, people will try to influence, sway, or impose things on you that you simply shouldn't believe in.
Take the coexist groupies, they are a not-for-profit organization that wants to "promote, encourage and support engagement between Jews, Christians and Muslims both individually and through their respective communities through dialogue, education and research." Getting along would be nice now, wouldn't it? And sure, improving the relationships between different religions in this way seems like a good idea, but the problem is that most of these dudes think that there could be more than one right answer in life, or rather, multiples paths, to finding truth. Another way of saying this is that no one can really know what is true, thus the possibility that we could all somehow be right may indeed be a fact!
Um, the deal with that logic is that that would mean, well, a lot of things that don't make any sense.
For example; the atheists are right about God being inside our heads and that the church is just a system set up to trap as many people as possible, yet Christians are right because there really is a God and we aren't "trapped", we are set free. Wait, how can we BOTH be right...?
But the vast majority of coexisters have the thought that we can believe what we wanna believe and we should leave each other alone and not fight over it. A lot of Christians lately have been saying that, too. Well, as a Christian myself, here's my scoop on that opinion:
The Bible says that God has granted us free will. That means He will not force us to make the decision to follow Him, we are fully free and able to make that choice for ourselves. Why does God do this? Because He doesn't want the people of the world acting like robots - pre-programmed bags of bolts with no mind of their own. Yet we are His children (that He loves so dearly), so why would a loving God not make us love Him? How could He allow His children to go astray?
Because that wouldn't be the loving God we're always talking about; that would be a selfish god!!!
When it comes to things we are free enough to decide what we think is hot or not. But when it comes to truth, we really can't decide that. No matter what we say, teach, do, think, or believe, we cannot change what is true.
So if Jesus really does offer eternal salvation (Luke 13:3) that rescues us from the tortures of a fiery Hell, then believers should have the duty to tell others about Christ! If this is true, we should be actively and urgently telling others that our God isn't dead, He's alive, and He doesn't want them to suffer for an eternity!!
We are not here to pick fights with others who believe things differently than we do. We are also not here to sit back, do nothing, and be ignorant. There will be persecution! There will be people who are upset with the good news! There will be people who want to fight! But we are here to love, and if we want to be like Christ we are to love others, spread truth, and not force it upon them.
So to all o' my coexist peeps, I do want to get along with Jews, Muslims, and other Christians. But that's not going to stop me from accepting Jesus' mission: to help lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy.
Take the coexist groupies, they are a not-for-profit organization that wants to "promote, encourage and support engagement between Jews, Christians and Muslims both individually and through their respective communities through dialogue, education and research." Getting along would be nice now, wouldn't it? And sure, improving the relationships between different religions in this way seems like a good idea, but the problem is that most of these dudes think that there could be more than one right answer in life, or rather, multiples paths, to finding truth. Another way of saying this is that no one can really know what is true, thus the possibility that we could all somehow be right may indeed be a fact!
Um, the deal with that logic is that that would mean, well, a lot of things that don't make any sense.
For example; the atheists are right about God being inside our heads and that the church is just a system set up to trap as many people as possible, yet Christians are right because there really is a God and we aren't "trapped", we are set free. Wait, how can we BOTH be right...?
But the vast majority of coexisters have the thought that we can believe what we wanna believe and we should leave each other alone and not fight over it. A lot of Christians lately have been saying that, too. Well, as a Christian myself, here's my scoop on that opinion:
The Bible says that God has granted us free will. That means He will not force us to make the decision to follow Him, we are fully free and able to make that choice for ourselves. Why does God do this? Because He doesn't want the people of the world acting like robots - pre-programmed bags of bolts with no mind of their own. Yet we are His children (that He loves so dearly), so why would a loving God not make us love Him? How could He allow His children to go astray? Because that wouldn't be the loving God we're always talking about; that would be a selfish god!!!
When it comes to things we are free enough to decide what we think is hot or not. But when it comes to truth, we really can't decide that. No matter what we say, teach, do, think, or believe, we cannot change what is true.
So if Jesus really does offer eternal salvation (Luke 13:3) that rescues us from the tortures of a fiery Hell, then believers should have the duty to tell others about Christ! If this is true, we should be actively and urgently telling others that our God isn't dead, He's alive, and He doesn't want them to suffer for an eternity!!
We are not here to pick fights with others who believe things differently than we do. We are also not here to sit back, do nothing, and be ignorant. There will be persecution! There will be people who are upset with the good news! There will be people who want to fight! But we are here to love, and if we want to be like Christ we are to love others, spread truth, and not force it upon them.
So to all o' my coexist peeps, I do want to get along with Jews, Muslims, and other Christians. But that's not going to stop me from accepting Jesus' mission: to help lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy.
 |
Thursday, September 6, 2012
What Makes You Beautiful
I'm sexy and I know it.... Uh huh uh huh...
Oh my gosh that is probably the stupidest song ever written. Look, shhh, shush, no stop it just, NO, SHHHHH stop right there!! I KNOW it's catchy! I KNOW everyone knows that song! But in case you didn't notice it's a bit dated. Yes I know, it was made like, what, a few months ago? SO last summer.
Anyway I want to talk about what it is that makes girls beautiful. I was hoping a quick search on Google would give me some appropriate pictures for the topic, but no, it doesn't. Let me show you just a few that I found:
Here's the problem, everyone thinks that the definition of "true" beauty is linked with our physical appearances. I know, every girl wants to be told they are beautiful. That means, of course, is as follows: *cuing typical teenage daydream sequence*
There she was, sitting on the hard tile floor, with head tilted downward on her knees. She was crying, her tears and mascara running down her cheeks like waterfalls. These very thoughts were flooding her mind: "I feel so ugly.... No one will ever love me...." Just then, she feels a tap on her shoulder.
"Hey, (Insert your name here), what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Startled, she glances up quickly at who it was. It was Jake (hey, I had to use a typical heartthrob fictional name, this one, I thought was perfectly appropriate), only the hottest boy in school. His deep (insert your favorite color of eyes) eyes were staring into hers. She quickly turned away.
"How embarrassing, I am such a mess! I'm ok, really..."
Taking her hand, he said gently, "No you're not. Tell me what's wrong, I'm listening."
Her heart was pounding right out of her chest, her cheeks felt very hot, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"I just, I just feel like no one cares about me. Oh Jake, I've never felt so ugly in all my life, but when you hold my hand, I feel so, so, wonderful. I can't explain it! Do you feel that way, too?"
He turned her head gently to face his then, leaning in closer, he kissed her. Everything around her went blurry. It was totally crazy. Now, more than ever before, she felt truly beautiful.
*The end!!!* TA DAAAAAAA!
Wasn't that so original and not-typical? I think I pretty much nailed it here, don't you agree? Would not all your innermost desires, needs, and wishes be satisfied if such a deep and indescribable love as described above were suddenly placed into your life by surprise?
Well, isn't THAT what would make you feel beautiful?
That is nothing but a bowl of cheez wiz left out to rot and collect dust. Hey, sorry, but it is (to all my preteen and teen girls reading this, welcome to reality).
Here's the truth: ladies, you ARE beautiful because you were fearfully AND wonderfully made. But this isn't about your face or your body, no, it's about the very thing that makes us human, the deepest corner of our entire design; our souls. Let's flip the original question.
Original question: "Am I beautiful?"
Correct question: "Is my soul beautiful?"
Here's the truth: all souls were made to be beautiful. But all souls are tainted with original sin, meaning we are born with a sinful nature. Indeed, the soul is guaranteed to feel moments of intense pain, to gain experiences from the "real world", to learn many things it really shouldn't, and the that at least once it will injure other souls. Nevertheless, the soul is beautiful.
A perfect example of a beautiful soul is the one and only Esther; the ancient queen of Persia. This girl was drop-dead gorgeous, I mean, she had "a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at". Xerxes was probably all,
But she would not have gone done in history, influenced generations, or even shown great bravery before the king if it weren't for her choice to follow God's instructions. That is what made her famous, not her curvy body or pretty face.
If there's one thing that Soul Eater actually got right is that "all that matters is the soul." Think about it. Whatever happens in this world is temporary and what we do here and the choices we make will ultimately result in where we'll go when we die. Besides, you can't take your possessions, dreams, or even your body with you when you die. Those things stay on earth and eventually crumble, what does matter is that your soul ends up in "a good place", because that's all that's left of you when you bite the dust.
There is no legitimate reason to sin. Yes that guy is a big jerk and was awful to you, and yes, sometimes that one girl just really deserves to be banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling, because sometimes life happens not-your-way. But you know what? Nothing that happens here will compare to the afterlife, no matter which of the two you will end up. Nothing. No evil done to you here will measure up to hellfire and no pleasure that you will feel here will measure up to the grace of Heaven. And each of us in gonna live here for like what, only 80 or so years? The afterlife is forever.
Life itself is beautiful. I look at a human being who is living and think, "THAT is beautiful!" But just because someone is alive doesn't mean that they are living. God is the one healer, restorer, comforter, and lover any human will EVER need, thus He is worth living for. A life spent with the father is a life lived, and a beautiful soul created.
Stating the obvious here once again: Ladies, in the end, it really isn't about your makeup, clothing, or swag. Duh. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy makeup and being "fashionable", and when I'm going to a wedding or something formal it does sort of "matter" to look my best, because it is appropriate for the occasion. But if those things and the things I do are based off something not from God, then it is nothing but fool's gold. So do yourself a big favor and ask for rest in God. Allow me to leave you with some verses meant to describe a soulful woman's heart:
Song of Solomon 4:1 Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead
.
And (of course) a song relating to the above musings (copy and paste the URL):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwo-xezj7Ts
Thanks for making it through to the end!!!!
:D
Oh my gosh that is probably the stupidest song ever written. Look, shhh, shush, no stop it just, NO, SHHHHH stop right there!! I KNOW it's catchy! I KNOW everyone knows that song! But in case you didn't notice it's a bit dated. Yes I know, it was made like, what, a few months ago? SO last summer.
Anyway I want to talk about what it is that makes girls beautiful. I was hoping a quick search on Google would give me some appropriate pictures for the topic, but no, it doesn't. Let me show you just a few that I found:
 |
| Some artsy shots |
 |
| Some slightly odd ones |
 |
| Some digital birdies (this image showed up about a thousand times) |
 |
| And this thing creeped up. |
 |
| Some "inspirational" posters. Um, yeah, that is true but um, you ARE wearing makeup.... AWKWARD. |
 |
| (I hate this) |
Hohum....
*sigh*
So.
Ok.
There she was, sitting on the hard tile floor, with head tilted downward on her knees. She was crying, her tears and mascara running down her cheeks like waterfalls. These very thoughts were flooding her mind: "I feel so ugly.... No one will ever love me...." Just then, she feels a tap on her shoulder.
"Hey, (Insert your name here), what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Startled, she glances up quickly at who it was. It was Jake (hey, I had to use a typical heartthrob fictional name, this one, I thought was perfectly appropriate), only the hottest boy in school. His deep (insert your favorite color of eyes) eyes were staring into hers. She quickly turned away.
"How embarrassing, I am such a mess! I'm ok, really..."
Taking her hand, he said gently, "No you're not. Tell me what's wrong, I'm listening."
Her heart was pounding right out of her chest, her cheeks felt very hot, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
"I just, I just feel like no one cares about me. Oh Jake, I've never felt so ugly in all my life, but when you hold my hand, I feel so, so, wonderful. I can't explain it! Do you feel that way, too?"
He turned her head gently to face his then, leaning in closer, he kissed her. Everything around her went blurry. It was totally crazy. Now, more than ever before, she felt truly beautiful.
*The end!!!* TA DAAAAAAA!
Wasn't that so original and not-typical? I think I pretty much nailed it here, don't you agree? Would not all your innermost desires, needs, and wishes be satisfied if such a deep and indescribable love as described above were suddenly placed into your life by surprise?
Well, isn't THAT what would make you feel beautiful?
That is nothing but a bowl of cheez wiz left out to rot and collect dust. Hey, sorry, but it is (to all my preteen and teen girls reading this, welcome to reality).
Fact is, every girl actually wants people to acknowledge who they are, and because so many females invest themselves into their own looks, that's when outward appearances become what it's all about. But what we chicks really want is for someone to know what we're worth. It doesn't even matter how "girly" or "down-dressed" the girl actually is, she wants to know SHE is beautiful.
Here's the truth: ladies, you ARE beautiful because you were fearfully AND wonderfully made. But this isn't about your face or your body, no, it's about the very thing that makes us human, the deepest corner of our entire design; our souls. Let's flip the original question.
Original question: "Am I beautiful?"
Correct question: "Is my soul beautiful?"
 |
| These dudes actually know NOTHING about beautiful chicks. At least I don't think.... please don't kill me.... |
Here's the truth: all souls were made to be beautiful. But all souls are tainted with original sin, meaning we are born with a sinful nature. Indeed, the soul is guaranteed to feel moments of intense pain, to gain experiences from the "real world", to learn many things it really shouldn't, and the that at least once it will injure other souls. Nevertheless, the soul is beautiful.
A perfect example of a beautiful soul is the one and only Esther; the ancient queen of Persia. This girl was drop-dead gorgeous, I mean, she had "a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at". Xerxes was probably all,
But she would not have gone done in history, influenced generations, or even shown great bravery before the king if it weren't for her choice to follow God's instructions. That is what made her famous, not her curvy body or pretty face.
 |
| This fellow right here actually knows NOTHING about souls. I mean, look at his face! He needs a hug or something. And some serious dental work. |
If there's one thing that Soul Eater actually got right is that "all that matters is the soul." Think about it. Whatever happens in this world is temporary and what we do here and the choices we make will ultimately result in where we'll go when we die. Besides, you can't take your possessions, dreams, or even your body with you when you die. Those things stay on earth and eventually crumble, what does matter is that your soul ends up in "a good place", because that's all that's left of you when you bite the dust.
There is no legitimate reason to sin. Yes that guy is a big jerk and was awful to you, and yes, sometimes that one girl just really deserves to be banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling, because sometimes life happens not-your-way. But you know what? Nothing that happens here will compare to the afterlife, no matter which of the two you will end up. Nothing. No evil done to you here will measure up to hellfire and no pleasure that you will feel here will measure up to the grace of Heaven. And each of us in gonna live here for like what, only 80 or so years? The afterlife is forever.
Life itself is beautiful. I look at a human being who is living and think, "THAT is beautiful!" But just because someone is alive doesn't mean that they are living. God is the one healer, restorer, comforter, and lover any human will EVER need, thus He is worth living for. A life spent with the father is a life lived, and a beautiful soul created.
Stating the obvious here once again: Ladies, in the end, it really isn't about your makeup, clothing, or swag. Duh. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy makeup and being "fashionable", and when I'm going to a wedding or something formal it does sort of "matter" to look my best, because it is appropriate for the occasion. But if those things and the things I do are based off something not from God, then it is nothing but fool's gold. So do yourself a big favor and ask for rest in God. Allow me to leave you with some verses meant to describe a soulful woman's heart:
Proverbs 31:20-21 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
.
And (of course) a song relating to the above musings (copy and paste the URL):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwo-xezj7Ts
Thanks for making it through to the end!!!!
:D
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Year Recap: Lessons Learnt
was the first day of school for many.
Yesterday was mine - I started
American Sign Language 2,
English Comp 2, and Astronomy.
Warning, posts may be sparse, and possibly even scarce, from now on.
But I will update when I can, and this is my first year of college, and you know what they say; the first year is the hardest.
I must make this brief. But it is an important post.
What I have learned over the past school year:
~ Do not say you are going to do something but then you don't do it (This is a very, very recent one)
~ A friend in need is a friend indeed
~ Life is never a "pass" or a "fail"
~ God doesn't yell at you. He gets angry sometimes, YES, but yell? No.
~ Life happens. You may as well be optimistic.
~ When it comes to doing/learning/trying new things, NO ONE GETS IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. It takes repetition, dedication, and of course, practice to get it "right".
~ Don't let your gifts and talents sit on the shelf and collect dust. Use them, because you are the only one who can.
~ If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
~ Attitude is everything. You are not going to have a good time if your attitude sucks.
~ Enjoy the little things and try to notice what always goes unnoticed
~ I am beautiful, despite what might fly through my head or what others say, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There will never be another me so I may as well be the me I am supposed to be.
~ Your smile and words really can affect a person's day
~ God's word is for everyone
~ If you have something to say, say it already!
~ I will be learning and growing every step of the way, I can't "get" everything now, even if I think I'm ready.
Yeah sure, I heard this from my Astronomy teacher during orientation: "Just because it's cliche doesn't mean it has become less true."
So true. Life is meant for living. And getting to bed on time. G'night.
What I have learned over the past school year:
~ Do not say you are going to do something but then you don't do it (This is a very, very recent one)
~ A friend in need is a friend indeed
~ Life is never a "pass" or a "fail"
~ God doesn't yell at you. He gets angry sometimes, YES, but yell? No.
~ Life happens. You may as well be optimistic.
~ When it comes to doing/learning/trying new things, NO ONE GETS IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. It takes repetition, dedication, and of course, practice to get it "right".
~ Don't let your gifts and talents sit on the shelf and collect dust. Use them, because you are the only one who can.
~ If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
~ Attitude is everything. You are not going to have a good time if your attitude sucks.
~ Enjoy the little things and try to notice what always goes unnoticed
~ I am beautiful, despite what might fly through my head or what others say, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There will never be another me so I may as well be the me I am supposed to be.
~ Your smile and words really can affect a person's day
~ God's word is for everyone
~ If you have something to say, say it already!
~ I will be learning and growing every step of the way, I can't "get" everything now, even if I think I'm ready.
 |
| Yeah, but a lotta those things are pretty cliche |
Yeah sure, I heard this from my Astronomy teacher during orientation: "Just because it's cliche doesn't mean it has become less true."
So true. Life is meant for living. And getting to bed on time. G'night.
Friday, August 24, 2012
The Midsummer Station Album Review
So I received my hard copy of this baby just yesterday and thought since I am way into music, I may as well take this golden opportunity to write a review for one of the hottest albums of summer, The Midsummer Station by Owl City.
Many fans have dissed his recent efforts claiming that Adam Young has gone all-out mainstreamed by using generic, unoriginal lyrics and completely changing in order to sell well. Only one thing is true in that statement, Adam HAS changed, but he isn't selling out (at least not yet). There are a few known reasons why his music seems so different to everyone.
Adam Young has come out of his caged-up-in-the-basement-alone stage in life and is more involved with his fans, friends, and family, all while getting some well-needed fresh air. Angry fans should at least be proud that he is indeed much healthier than before.
Another factor is that he doesn't just have his basement and his keyboards and computer anymore, he's got a studio with higher quality equipment and the musical experts helping him out with everything. As a bonus, Matt Theissen was very involved with creating of The Midsummer Station, so die-hard Relient K fans should get some kicks from this album.
Now I could be wrong, but judging by Adam's blog posts and recent interviews (and listening to the CD myself) he seems to be far more focused on the musical part of his songs rather than the lyrical. The results were stunningly constructed instrumentation. What Midsummer Station has done to surpass Ocean Eyes, for example, is intensify the depths of sound and rhythm, putting emotions into the beats, and exploring corners of the world of music he's never been before. Through this he has brilliantly tied together his art with what's popular now.
This is not to say that the creativity has been completely drained from the lyrics either. Traces of his old writing style are subtly laced throughout, namely in Dreams and Disasters, Embers, Silhouette, and Metropolis. The new writing style is more simplified, emotional, and repetitive, but it is more relatable and easy to understand. Each song is written from different events that took place in his life, things that he took to heart, so lyrically there's just as much depth and perspective than any of his old stuff, it's just done in a different style. The Midsummer Station is meant to be enjoyed by a broader audience, and is definitely more fun.
No matter how depressing the subject, Young always seems to provide shades of light and a positive outlook in both his music and life experiences. And that is just what most critics hate about Owl City. They can't stand the fact that he won't express a strand of negativity or any form of edginess in his songs. But isn't that what critics should be acclaiming; something that is different? Haven't there been enough language-laden pop songs about sex, temporary relationships and partying? As someone who appreciates the generic along with the unique and the obscure, I found The Midsummer Station to be quite refreshing.
Change can be difficult, but to an artist it's usually very good. The last thing any musician wants to do is have all their songs sound the same or be caught in a musical rut. Experimentation prevents one from getting bored or doing what's already done. As Adam Young himself puts it, he is "merely different colors and different brushstrokes over the same canvas". To my relief he's the same ol' Adam with his same love for musical art. He's simply coming at it with a different medium. With the whole "which Owl City do you like better" I'm like,
 |
| Yes, indeed |
Are these works not both considered art? They are allowed to be admired equally.
 |
| Mm YEAH!!! |
While the haters mope around I'm going to indulge in the melodious beauty of my personal favorite tracks, Metropolis and Bombshell Bomb.
Peace out, because I know you're gold! You are treasured!
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