Questioning my Courage

I'm a good person.

No really I am.

Despite the fact that I've stolen, blasphemed, and lied so many times that I can't count....

But I'm good. I haven't killed anybody or anything...

So I just finished watching "180", a 33 minute long documentary that compared the holocaust and Hitler to abortion, and besides the major issues that were brought up I noticed some more subtle things that really tugged at my heart. One question that the interviewer asked several people was (not word for word), "If a Nazi had you at gunpoint and said he'd spare you if you took a bulldozer and buried a bunch of Jews alive, would you do it? Or would you take the bullet?" Immediately in my head I answered, "Pfffft. Bullet, obviously,"  and was shocked at how many people responded that they would do it to protect themselves. But then that got me on my usual bunny-trail of thought...

"You know, Bethany, dying to save a group of people who are going to die anyway isn't nearly as easy as you think... Wouldn't dying in that situation be completely pointless when those Jews are going to be buried alive anyway? OK it's not likely that you're ever going to be in a situation like that, but I would never kill others even if it would mean taking my own life..."

Then something hit me: "Hmmm, this is kind of like what Jesus did on the cross for us! He died knowing that a lot of us were going to Hell nevertheless..."

He did it because He couldn't bear the possibility that none of us would end up living with Him in the afterlife. He loves us and wants us that much. That's nothing like our typical immature definition of love:

The world has been trembling, especially now. Courage is put on the back burner and forgotten about. We do this because we want to be safe, we don't want to risk our lives. Perhaps we are not meant to be heroes, besides, that job is probably for someone else, right?

Now while it is probably unlikely any of us will endure torture or life threatening situations, it is guaranteed that us true believers will be persecuted. We are to expect this, and be prepared with how we are going to respond. If you are in America you have probably noticed just how much subtle pressure there is for us to keep our beliefs to ourselves or otherwise look like and idiot and screw everything up. Chances are you're heart races a bit out of nervousness when God has entered into a conversation in secular realms, especially at  school. Sometimes God and Jesus are mocked right in front of our faces and we're either oblivious, don't care, or are too afraid to defend ourselves.

Here's the thing, if you are a believer, as in, you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know  that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know  that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know  that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know  that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know  that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know that you know THAT YOU FOR SURE WITHOUT A SHADOW OF DOUBT OR SHRED OF REGRET AND GUILT, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY 100 % CONFIDENTLY IN-THIS-FOR-REAL AND GIVING-IT-ALL-THAT-I-GOT-AND-NOT-JUST-PART-OF-ME-BUT-I-MEAN-EVERYTHING that you will endure anything AND everything for true love.

It's like what Mason Jar Music man Josh Garrels says in his song "Resistance":

"...Overcome every fear of regret and confusion, 
It’s all an illusion...
Every mortal breath, is meant to bring forth fire 
But only when the fear of death, gets consumed"


And then he closes with:  

"It’s gonna cost us everything 
To follow one Lord and King 
True love endures everything 
To be free
Hold fast like an anchor in the storm 
We will not be moved"

If you haven't heard that song, you really should, like, you must. Who knows, you're whole life may depend on it!!! It's my power song, like kick Satan in the butt kinda power. 

Yet again I am talking to me. I get scared when defending or even admitting my faith needs to happen. If I'm not in this for real, then I will only be lukewarm. And lukewarm people are who God spits out... Phew, God help me out!!